Try...as difficult as it may be...to feel what they may be feeling.Next...Let go of these thoughts...release
any thinking of this person's experience.Now...Whether you are alone in the room or seeing a
counselor, bring thoughts into your mind of how horrible YOU felt when they said these
distasteful and uncalled-for things to you. Doesn't it just make ya want to say all
sorts of horrible things to that person??!! Getting angry and wanting to spout off to
that particular individual is a natural response...so, don't worry.Here's the thing...I want you to remember
how outrageously awful it feels to have someone criticize, belittle, devalue, or undermine you.
If you feel more comfortable thinking about and expressing feelings of anger with a counselor
present, then by all means, do so!)Next...think...take a huge breath, come into your rational state
of mind...get out of your "reactionary" mode and into a more "proactive" mode. Now, hold
that thought for a moment...This is the difficult part:...I ask that you walk in that
"mean" person's shoes for a moment...think about how low their self-esteem must be, for them
to have to say such nasty things to you. Anxiety and "Anger" often accompany
tn requin one another, so if you want to know more "anxiety" or "stress"... The key
is to to make a sincere effort to empathize (i.e. Remember...you were A
LOT more anxious at the moment that person verbally tore you apart, than you are
when you are relaxed and refreshed the next day. One of the major points I
make in an "anxiety self-help" ebook I just released is that if you are nice
to others, it will come back to you in incredibly positive ways! And conversely, if
you are mean to someone, remember...as they say..."Be careful of what you think or say
to others. That's why it's important that you take the time to sleep it
off, get relaxed, and feel calmer.Next, take a pen to paper and write down what
you'd like to say to that person...how you'd like to express yourself. walk in their
shoes) with that person. Consider the appropriate words you might like to say to
that person without being totally cruel, relentless, and stooping to his or her level.Then, wait
until the next day (usually it helps to wait a day or two) in order
Tn Requin to be refreshed, think logically, and feel calmer. Perhaps you'd like to tell that
that person how much he or she hurt you. Try to feel their depressive
state. It will come back to you three fold."I must elaborate on this...Listen, when someone
is not very nice to you, it doesn't feel particularly good. Think about how
injured their ego must be...how sad and insecure they must feel inside. It
may take awhile to come up with the words. But you must determine a
way to say what you need to say to that person, in a firm but
non-abusive manner.Now...here's the weird part...Did you know that expressing your feelings in a cruel, unbridled,
uncensored, reactionary way actually GIVES you MORE anxiety!???Yep! It does! And so that
is why I emphasize "thinking things out" before you speak or write to that person..."rationalizing"
and using logic while in a calm state of mind, when expressing your retort to
that not-so-nice individual!You see...even though you are saying something distasteful to that individual, you are
stating it in a way that won't make you MORE anxious/stressed...you are being the responsible,
character-filled, "bigger" adult in this scenario...and that means a lot!Conclusion...So...bottom line...when you find yourself in
a confrontative situation where someone is mistreating you or is even downright verbally or mentally
abusive toward you, take a step back, breathe in, become logical, say what you have
to say, but take the high road!You'll find that your conscience will be clear...and that
you are the better person! And most importantly, that your anxiety-level is significantly decreased.Alexandra
Mannock, MA, CAGS is a former psychotherapist who offers an amazing FREE "cure anxiety" 5-Day
Mini-Course. Feel your own pain...let yourself experience feeling angry...cry...emote...or punch a pillow if you
must! Write your feelings down if ya have to! Personally, I'm a big
fan of writing down one's feelings in a journal.(Note: Sometimes anger can really overwhelm someone.
and if you want to find out the secrets to curing your anxiety, you can
access Alex's free mini-course at this site: http://www.anxietyzapper.com You can tell Alex what you think
of this article and any other anxiety-related topic, by checking out [http://www.power-over-anxiety.com] and sending her
an email! She would absolutely love to hear from you! You can also participate in
her "blog!".
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